How to Ask for Money Instead of Gifts on a Wedding Invitation
In the United States, the invitation card itself says nothing about gifts; the request for money goes on the wedding website or the gift page of a digital invitation, and travels by word of mouth through parents and the wedding party. In the United Kingdom, a short insert or poem with the invitation is common and accepted. Everywhere, the same three words keep it polite: optional, specific, grateful.
Asking for money is the line couples rewrite most. The request itself is not the problem; the place and the tone are. Put it on the wrong card, or phrase it as an instruction, and a generous request reads as a bill.
This guide gives the rules by country, with sources, 25 wordings sorted by situation, and the way a digital invitation handles it on a page of its own.
United States and United Kingdom: what is done, what is not
| United States | United Kingdom | |
|---|---|---|
| On the invitation card | Not done. No registry, no fund, not even "no gifts" | Not done on the card itself |
| On an insert with the invitation | Not done by traditional etiquette; some couples add a website card | Common: a gift list card, a "poem," or a note about a honeymoon fund |
| On the wedding website or the gift page | The standard place | Common, alongside or instead of the insert |
| By word of mouth | The traditional channel: parents, wedding party | Common |
| Registry or gift list | A store registry, often with a cash fund | A gift list service, often with a honeymoon fund |
| The rhymed "money poem" | Rare, often read as tacky | Widespread, from gentle to jokey |
United States. The Emily Post Institute's guidance has not moved: the invitation and its enclosures do not mention gifts, registries or money, not even "no gifts, please." On cash in particular, its page "How to Ask for Money as a Wedding Gift" calls cash presents "perfectly acceptable" and advises couples to let people know through "their parents, their attendants and those close to them," and, if asked directly, to answer honestly: "We're saving for a down payment on a house, so if you'd like to give a check, that's how we'll use it." The same page suggests keeping a small traditional registry so that guests who dislike giving money have a choice (Emily Post Institute, How to Ask for Money as a Wedding Gift and Wedding Registry Etiquette, emilypost.com, consulted October 2026).
In practice, the wedding website has become the accepted place for all of it: the invitation carries the website address, and the website carries the rest.
United Kingdom. The culture is different. A gift list from a department store or a list service has long been an insert in the invitation envelope, and asking for money has followed the same route, often in rhyme. Debrett's, the British etiquette authority, has acknowledged the trend in its wedding guide with the phrase "you may feel able to ask" for contributions, a wording that Country Life described as "redolent of disapproval" when it quoted it. The practice is established; the register is still watched. For a mixed guest list, a gentle prose note is safer than a jokey poem.
Australia. The wishing well is standard: a decorated box at the reception, announced on a small insert, often with a short poem. Italy. The lista nozze with the couple's IBAN printed on the invitation or an insert is common and raises no eyebrows. France. Couples set up an urne at the reception or an online cagnotte, mentioned in one line. Each of these is a local usage, not a rule; when your guests come from several countries, write for the most conservative of them.
The three words: optional, specific, grateful
Whatever the country, the polite request has the same shape.
- Optional. Presence comes first, the gift second, and the sentence makes clear that nothing is expected: "Your company is the only gift we ask for."
- Specific. Guests like to know what their money does. "A contribution toward our honeymoon in Japan" lands better than "monetary gifts preferred."
- Grateful. One sentence of thanks, in advance, in your own voice.
The request follows the welcome; it never replaces it.
25 wordings, by situation
Honeymoon fund
1. Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. If you wish to give something more, a contribution to our honeymoon in Japan would be received with great thanks.
2. We have a home full of everything we need, and a honeymoon we have dreamed about for years. If you would like to help us get to Kyoto, you will find the details here.
3. Please don't feel you need to bring a gift. If you would like to, we are saving for our honeymoon, and any contribution will be spent on a sunset, a dinner or a train we will tell you about afterward.
4. Your love and company are all we ask. For those who have asked about gifts, we have set up a honeymoon fund.
5. We're lucky to have everything we need. If you'd like to give something, we would love a contribution toward our honeymoon in Italy, and we promise to send a postcard.
6. Having you with us means more than any gift. Should you wish to mark the day, our honeymoon fund is on the next page.
A first home or a project
7. We are saving for our first home. If you would like to give a gift, a contribution to that fund would mean a great deal, and we will think of you every time we open the door.
8. No gifts expected. If you'd like to help, we are putting everything toward the house, and the kitchen in particular.
9. Your presence is our present. For those who have asked, we are saving for a garden, and would be grateful for any help toward it.
Cash gifts in general
10. Your presence is the only gift we need. If you would like to give something, a card with a contribution of your choosing would be very welcome.
11. We would rather have you than anything that comes in a box. If you wish to give a gift, a contribution of any size is gratefully received.
12. Gifts are not expected, but should you wish to give one, we would appreciate a contribution toward our life together rather than a traditional present.
13. After ten years under one roof, we have everything a household needs. A gift toward our future together would be the kindest thing you could give.
Combining a registry and a fund
14. We have registered a few things we need, and we have a fund for our honeymoon. Both are on our website. Either, or neither, would make us very happy.
15. For those who like to choose, there is a small registry. For those who prefer not to, there is a honeymoon fund. For everyone, there is dinner and dancing.
16. Our registry and our honeymoon fund are on the website. Please don't feel obliged: the best gift is a full dance floor.
No gifts
17. Your presence is the only gift we need. Please, no presents.
18. We ask that you bring nothing but yourselves. The celebration is our gift to you.
19. No gifts, please. If you would like to do something, a donation to the children's hospital that cared for Max's sister would mean the world to us.
20. We have everything we need. Please join us, eat well and dance; that is all we ask.
United Kingdom: insert and poem
21. Prose insert. Your presence at our wedding is all we wish for. If you would like to give a gift, a contribution towards our honeymoon would be much appreciated. Thank you.
22. A short poem, for the couple who want one. We have the pots, we have the pans, / we have a toaster, cups and plans. / So if a gift is in your heart, / a honeymoon would be a start.
23. Gift list. We have a gift list with [the store], for those who would like to choose something; the details are on our website. Please don't feel you have to.
Australia and Italy
24. Wishing well. More than anything, we want you with us on our wedding day. If you would like to give a gift, a wishing well will be at the reception, and a contribution toward our honeymoon would be gratefully received.
25. Italy, bank transfer. Il regalo più bello è la vostra presenza. Per chi volesse, il nostro IBAN è a disposizione nella pagina dei regali. (The best gift is your presence. For those who wish, our IBAN is on the gifts page.)
Where the request goes on a digital invitation
A digital invitation separates the invitation from the information. The opening screen and the letter page carry the names, the date and the welcome, and nothing about gifts, which satisfies the strictest reading of American etiquette. The gift page sits further down, on its own, in your words, with the ways to give laid out:
- a bank transfer, with the account details shown and a button that copies them;
- a link to a honeymoon fund, a registry or a charity;
- a preferred mark on the option you would rather people use, and, if you want it, a progress bar toward a goal.
Guests from the US see a page that reads like a wedding website; guests from the UK see the equivalent of the insert; guests in Italy find the IBAN where they expect it. The wording is yours, composed by hand into the design.
Mistakes that turn a request into a bill
- Opening with the money. "In lieu of gifts" as the first words. Welcome first, request second.
- An amount, or a hint at one. Even "the price of a dinner" sets a price.
- "Cash only." Replace it with "any contribution."
- No reason. "Monetary gifts preferred" without a project reads as a preference for money over people.
- A bank account number on the invitation card in the US or the UK. It belongs on the website or the gift page.
For the other delicate lines, see adults-only wording and who is named as host. The full structure of an invitation, with 100 examples, is in the wedding invitation wording guide.
Frequently asked questions
Is it rude to ask for money instead of gifts for a wedding?
Not if it is done in the right place and the right tone. The Emily Post Institute calls cash gifts "perfectly acceptable" and recommends letting people know through parents and attendants rather than on the invitation. A warm note on the website or the gift page, framed as optional, is the usual way today.
How do you politely ask for money on a wedding invitation?
In the US, you do not; you ask on the website or the gift page. In the UK, an insert is fine. Either way, say that presence is the gift, say what the money is for, and thank them: "Your company is all we ask. If you would like to give something, a contribution to our honeymoon in Japan would mean a great deal."
Can you put a honeymoon fund on the invitation?
In the US, the fund goes on the wedding website, and the invitation can point to the website. In the UK and Australia, a small card with the invitation is common. On a digital invitation, the fund has its own page, which keeps the invitation itself clean.
How do you say no gifts please?
Emily Post's position is that even "no gifts" does not belong on the invitation; put it on the website or say it in person. The line itself: "Your presence is the only gift we need. Please, no presents."
What is a wishing well at a wedding?
An Australian custom: a decorated box at the reception where guests leave cards with cash or a check. The invitation insert says "wishing well" and often carries a short poem. It is the local equivalent of the American honeymoon fund.
How do I ask for money without sounding greedy?
Never mention an amount, never say "cash only," say that nothing is expected, and say what the money will do. Greed is in the tone, not in the request.
What should a guest do when the invitation says no gifts?
Take it at its word. A card with a handwritten note is always right, and a small gift sent to their home after the wedding does not break the request.
Designs in this guide
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